Sunday, December 23
> Goodbye 2007...
And so, the year is coming to an end...
What have i done throughout the entire year 2007? What have i achieved? What have i learnt? What lessons were i taught? What have i gain and lost? What have i found and gave away? Of all the things i did or did not do, what have made me think i made the right choice? What left me with regrets?
I cant help but think about all the things that ive gone through throughout the year. It ended so quickly..i havent done anything much, definately not enough to let 2007 slip me by.
I dont know why but i dont feel all excited about welcoming the new year. I probably have not done enough this year and i fear that the next year might be even tougher than ever.
Dancingintherain have been part of my life since Edmund and i broke up. The things ive done, the things i felt, the happiness and the sorrows of the past 3 and half years are all recorded on this page.
When i was thinking about all that happened since January till now, i cant really remember every single detail. I can hardly remember what happened in the first quarter of the year, not much even of the second quarter. I can probably remember only the major events like losing a friend, my graduation and my first step into the working society. All the other minor details, i can hardly remember them anymore.
And that's why i enjoy blogging, because its just a few buttons away where i can start reliving those moments and remind myself what ive been through and remind myself of what i should do or should not do.
Dancingintherain is where i read when i feel bored, when i feel like reminiscing, when i wanna think back on the past.
Dancingintherain is part of my happiness and sorrows, my book of life.
But now, im having thoughts of turning dancingintherain into history. To put an end to it because the people who are viewing my little space is scaring me.
I dont know who, neither do i know what kinda people are reading my daily nonsense but these people are scaring me.
It scares me when people start 'google-ing' me with keywords like 'amber lin', 'amber credit suisse' and things like that.
It scares me even more when i tried 'yahoo-ing' myself with 'amber lin' and when i click to page 2, yahoo actually had the option at the top on "Also try: amber lin ruoxuan, amber lin ruo xuan"
Im like, HELLO? Thats my full name! I got a freaking shock of my life. Its crazy. My entire name up on yahoo search? Its crazy.
Im sorry, but im not like some other girls who loves getting attention, being in the limelight just because they think they're some big shot models although they're just some small fly part time photoshoot models or people who likes to be on high profile.
I am not. AND i dont wanna be on high profile. I just wanna be myself and lead my own kinda life.
And since the year is coming to an end, where everyone start making resolutions. "A new year, a new beginning", the phrase which i believe everyone would start using and thinking, its probably time to move on from here and bid goodbye to what had past or what should stop.
Im not making any resolutions this year, because i never fulfilled them. I thought 2007 would be the start of my new life, where i can forget about the past, forget about what you've done and all the hurts i received so many years ago and move on with my life, getting back my happiness which ive lost for so long.
But no, 2007 wasnt the year.
I cant say that i have not moved on yet, because i did. But its not complete. I cant let go completely 100% of my fears and phobia but at least i tried, at least the percentage had increased comparing 3 and a half years ago. I take that as an improvement and i hope 2008 would be the year where it would bring my life to another higher level.
But all in all, i'll still take a deep long breath and welcome 2008 with open arms. Whether or not my days would be smooth-sailing in the coming year, whether or not things would change to what i want it to be, i'm still looking forward to what 2008 has for me.
And to all my dear friends and love ones, Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.
And so, the year is coming to an end...
What have i done throughout the entire year 2007? What have i achieved? What have i learnt? What lessons were i taught? What have i gain and lost? What have i found and gave away? Of all the things i did or did not do, what have made me think i made the right choice? What left me with regrets?
I cant help but think about all the things that ive gone through throughout the year. It ended so quickly..i havent done anything much, definately not enough to let 2007 slip me by.
I dont know why but i dont feel all excited about welcoming the new year. I probably have not done enough this year and i fear that the next year might be even tougher than ever.
Dancingintherain have been part of my life since Edmund and i broke up. The things ive done, the things i felt, the happiness and the sorrows of the past 3 and half years are all recorded on this page.
When i was thinking about all that happened since January till now, i cant really remember every single detail. I can hardly remember what happened in the first quarter of the year, not much even of the second quarter. I can probably remember only the major events like losing a friend, my graduation and my first step into the working society. All the other minor details, i can hardly remember them anymore.
And that's why i enjoy blogging, because its just a few buttons away where i can start reliving those moments and remind myself what ive been through and remind myself of what i should do or should not do.
Dancingintherain is where i read when i feel bored, when i feel like reminiscing, when i wanna think back on the past.
Dancingintherain is part of my happiness and sorrows, my book of life.
But now, im having thoughts of turning dancingintherain into history. To put an end to it because the people who are viewing my little space is scaring me.
I dont know who, neither do i know what kinda people are reading my daily nonsense but these people are scaring me.
It scares me when people start 'google-ing' me with keywords like 'amber lin', 'amber credit suisse' and things like that.
It scares me even more when i tried 'yahoo-ing' myself with 'amber lin' and when i click to page 2, yahoo actually had the option at the top on "Also try: amber lin ruoxuan, amber lin ruo xuan"
Im like, HELLO? Thats my full name! I got a freaking shock of my life. Its crazy. My entire name up on yahoo search? Its crazy.
Im sorry, but im not like some other girls who loves getting attention, being in the limelight just because they think they're some big shot models although they're just some small fly part time photoshoot models or people who likes to be on high profile.
I am not. AND i dont wanna be on high profile. I just wanna be myself and lead my own kinda life.
And since the year is coming to an end, where everyone start making resolutions. "A new year, a new beginning", the phrase which i believe everyone would start using and thinking, its probably time to move on from here and bid goodbye to what had past or what should stop.
Im not making any resolutions this year, because i never fulfilled them. I thought 2007 would be the start of my new life, where i can forget about the past, forget about what you've done and all the hurts i received so many years ago and move on with my life, getting back my happiness which ive lost for so long.
But no, 2007 wasnt the year.
I cant say that i have not moved on yet, because i did. But its not complete. I cant let go completely 100% of my fears and phobia but at least i tried, at least the percentage had increased comparing 3 and a half years ago. I take that as an improvement and i hope 2008 would be the year where it would bring my life to another higher level.
But all in all, i'll still take a deep long breath and welcome 2008 with open arms. Whether or not my days would be smooth-sailing in the coming year, whether or not things would change to what i want it to be, i'm still looking forward to what 2008 has for me.
And to all my dear friends and love ones, Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 11:55:00 pm
___________________________________________
Tuesday, December 18
> Bad day!
OMG. Today feels like the worst day of my life.
I dont know, but i just feel really unlucky today. Thank goodness the night ended with smiles on my face.
Waiting for my supper to be ready..im starving!!
Anyway, i spent my last weekend catching Good Luck Chuck with Leoieee, Dav&Ede, Bape and Kevin. Its my first R21 show since im not 21 yet. Now, there's nothing for me to look forward to when i turn 21. Probably only going to the Casino at Genting legally, but gambling isnt really something for me..yet..
Speaking of which, im already racking my brains thinking of how i should celebrate my 21st. And its such a coincidence that Vesak day falls on my birthday eve. But, i think im going to Japan that week..i dont know! Im so confused....
Anyway, Sunday was family gathering day. Like a pre-xmas bbq party for the Lin/Lim family at my place. Had lotsa fun eating and bbq-ing and chatting. Pictures are with my cousin, so i'll probably upload when i get them.
I love family gatherings. But it would be better if i can bring somebody along the next gathering and introduce to everyone saying, "hey, meet my boyfriend".
Then again, maybe not.
OMG. Today feels like the worst day of my life.
I dont know, but i just feel really unlucky today. Thank goodness the night ended with smiles on my face.
Waiting for my supper to be ready..im starving!!
Anyway, i spent my last weekend catching Good Luck Chuck with Leoieee, Dav&Ede, Bape and Kevin. Its my first R21 show since im not 21 yet. Now, there's nothing for me to look forward to when i turn 21. Probably only going to the Casino at Genting legally, but gambling isnt really something for me..yet..
Speaking of which, im already racking my brains thinking of how i should celebrate my 21st. And its such a coincidence that Vesak day falls on my birthday eve. But, i think im going to Japan that week..i dont know! Im so confused....
Anyway, Sunday was family gathering day. Like a pre-xmas bbq party for the Lin/Lim family at my place. Had lotsa fun eating and bbq-ing and chatting. Pictures are with my cousin, so i'll probably upload when i get them.
I love family gatherings. But it would be better if i can bring somebody along the next gathering and introduce to everyone saying, "hey, meet my boyfriend".
Then again, maybe not.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 4:01:00 am
___________________________________________
Saturday, December 15
> time for celebration...
Good news!! 7 months at work, and i got my first promotion!!
And of cos its my first because its my first proper job.
Was really ecstatic at first but when i realised some other things, it doesnt really excite me anymore.
But the bottomline is, i got promoted.
--------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, pictures of my colleagues and i at Partyworld last week. Im sorry i looked terrible, i still cant get the photoshop programme. sighhhh....
One more week at work and its a long break for me...i cant wait for all the x'mas parties coming up. Yayness!
Good news!! 7 months at work, and i got my first promotion!!
And of cos its my first because its my first proper job.
Was really ecstatic at first but when i realised some other things, it doesnt really excite me anymore.
But the bottomline is, i got promoted.
--------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, pictures of my colleagues and i at Partyworld last week. Im sorry i looked terrible, i still cant get the photoshop programme. sighhhh....
One more week at work and its a long break for me...i cant wait for all the x'mas parties coming up. Yayness!
sealed-with-a-kiss < 5:44:00 pm
___________________________________________
Sunday, December 9
> My life is crazy!!
Omg, this is so crazy and you're not gonna believe it because i cant believe it myself too.
Its freaking 9am in the morning and i am not sleeping. Im freaking annoyed!!! This insomnia issue has gotta stop. I think i need to see the doctor and get him to prescribe some sleeping pills. Its crazy!!
I tried sleeping since 6am and i cant even keep my eyes shut for more than 5 minutes. The moment i closed my eyes and try to sleep, theres something, i dont know what, but something that's not allowing me to do so and i have to wake up.
That caused me to watch 2 movies on Starmovies and i still am not able to sleep peacefully.
This is ridiculous!!
My parents had already woken up and left the house for breakfast and im here, sitting in front of the computer, blogging about how annoyed i am not getting to sleep.
MAD!!
Guess how i spent my weekends? (to me, weekends = Friday & Saturday only).
So on Friday after work, i joined Michelle, Xiangyun, James and Terence for ktv session at Partyworld. I got home at 6am, hitching a ride from James who stays far far away from me. We had crazy singing sessions and loads of phototaking. So Friday was pretty well spent.
Then, i spent my Saturday like this..
woke up - watched tele - laze around the house - dinner with mom and dad - prepare for town with Leoieee - dinner the 2nd time at Sushi Tei - met Wayne, HuiQi and Bape - drinks at Billy Bombers - movie (Magoriums) - supper at HongKong Cafe - home
And if you realised, i ate 3 times today over the span of 8 hours. Its crazy!!!!
I didnt really like the movie, its about the magical toy shop. The ending's too abrupt. Its quite a dumb movie, purely entertainment thats it. Nothing special. 3/5 stars.
I saw many people i havent seen for the longest time today. First i saw Senchuan, and then i saw James, then i saw Edmund and lastly i saw Samuel and Alaric. Its been a really really long time since i last saw some of them. How time flies..we needa catch up soon!
The guys had to remind me how loserish my life is by saying that im a loser because i have no boyfriend (for the longest time) and the worst of all, there is no one going after me.
I think they are crazier than i am. And my mum is almost as crazy as them.
I just..no longer like to go out on dates or rather, people that i just know, or people that i dont know very well. That's the reason why i only hang out with the BBCs or the supper gang now. I feel more at ease hanging out with em. I kept pushing my other friends away, saying that ive been busy to meet up. But the real reason? I dont know..i just prefer hanging out with people i know and are close to.
And that's probably the reason why i havent met any new people lately. And that's probably the reason why im not getting a boyfriend. But i dont really care, because i still believe in fate and destiny. And it will stay this way, until someone can make me change my mind...
I am going to try to sleep now or maybe, catch another movie on Starmovies.
My life, is so crazy.
Omg, this is so crazy and you're not gonna believe it because i cant believe it myself too.
Its freaking 9am in the morning and i am not sleeping. Im freaking annoyed!!! This insomnia issue has gotta stop. I think i need to see the doctor and get him to prescribe some sleeping pills. Its crazy!!
I tried sleeping since 6am and i cant even keep my eyes shut for more than 5 minutes. The moment i closed my eyes and try to sleep, theres something, i dont know what, but something that's not allowing me to do so and i have to wake up.
That caused me to watch 2 movies on Starmovies and i still am not able to sleep peacefully.
This is ridiculous!!
My parents had already woken up and left the house for breakfast and im here, sitting in front of the computer, blogging about how annoyed i am not getting to sleep.
MAD!!
Guess how i spent my weekends? (to me, weekends = Friday & Saturday only).
So on Friday after work, i joined Michelle, Xiangyun, James and Terence for ktv session at Partyworld. I got home at 6am, hitching a ride from James who stays far far away from me. We had crazy singing sessions and loads of phototaking. So Friday was pretty well spent.
Then, i spent my Saturday like this..
woke up - watched tele - laze around the house - dinner with mom and dad - prepare for town with Leoieee - dinner the 2nd time at Sushi Tei - met Wayne, HuiQi and Bape - drinks at Billy Bombers - movie (Magoriums) - supper at HongKong Cafe - home
And if you realised, i ate 3 times today over the span of 8 hours. Its crazy!!!!
I didnt really like the movie, its about the magical toy shop. The ending's too abrupt. Its quite a dumb movie, purely entertainment thats it. Nothing special. 3/5 stars.
I saw many people i havent seen for the longest time today. First i saw Senchuan, and then i saw James, then i saw Edmund and lastly i saw Samuel and Alaric. Its been a really really long time since i last saw some of them. How time flies..we needa catch up soon!
The guys had to remind me how loserish my life is by saying that im a loser because i have no boyfriend (for the longest time) and the worst of all, there is no one going after me.
I think they are crazier than i am. And my mum is almost as crazy as them.
I just..no longer like to go out on dates or rather, people that i just know, or people that i dont know very well. That's the reason why i only hang out with the BBCs or the supper gang now. I feel more at ease hanging out with em. I kept pushing my other friends away, saying that ive been busy to meet up. But the real reason? I dont know..i just prefer hanging out with people i know and are close to.
And that's probably the reason why i havent met any new people lately. And that's probably the reason why im not getting a boyfriend. But i dont really care, because i still believe in fate and destiny. And it will stay this way, until someone can make me change my mind...
I am going to try to sleep now or maybe, catch another movie on Starmovies.
My life, is so crazy.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 8:57:00 am
___________________________________________
Thursday, December 6
> Ole to NuffNang!
I got home last night after work at about a quarter past 4am feeling really really tired and worn out. Was feeling pretty depressed, probably due to the rain, it just feels gloomy and my tummy was in pain the entire day as i stood strong to fight away the pains due to cramps. It was just a total bad day..oh tell me what's new?
I got home dragging my feet to the greencomfyroom and saw a letter for myself. Opened it up and immediately my mood lighten up. All the fatigue and moodiness gone with the wind!
I received the cheque from NuffNang!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. At that moment, i knew that tomorrow (which is today) will be a better day because i can cab to work without feeling guilty. kakakkaka
I know many of you nuffnangers had already received your cheque a long long time ago. But im slow mah, im didnt know i have to go to the website to get it until i was so bored the other night while waiting for my Hong Kong serial to start at 5am so i surfed around the net and realised that ive earn enough to cash out. So happy leh! Extra income for my cab fares. Shiokkk
Speaking of which, i dont have to stay up till 5am anymore because the show ended. I dont really like the ending although i have to admit the show is really really nice! I told myself that i shall not stay up to catch the next serial on screen because everytime i sleep at 6am, i realised that i will toss and turn till 7am before i managed to get some rest. AND i'll eat supper every night which i have to stop because i am getting fat.
But but but...i think i got used to sleeping at 6am so i can no longer fall asleep anytime earlier than that anymore. That sucks.
Oops, too much digression here.
So, I uploaded a couple more pictures, resized it and not forgetting photoshop it but to my dismay, my photoshop programme disappeared! OMG that's like my biggest nightmare. I dont photoshop ALL my pictures but MOST of them and without photoshop, my life seems to be even more imperfect.
And worst of all, i forgot who last borrowed my photoshop cd which i burn a long time ago. Sighhhhh..so till i get to reinstall photoshop, i dont think there would be much pictures uploaded in here anymore. =((((
For now, here's just one last picture i took in Leoieee's car on Saturday (without photoshop and i look like shit)
Bye now, its time to flag a cab to work! I am sooooooooo late
I got home last night after work at about a quarter past 4am feeling really really tired and worn out. Was feeling pretty depressed, probably due to the rain, it just feels gloomy and my tummy was in pain the entire day as i stood strong to fight away the pains due to cramps. It was just a total bad day..oh tell me what's new?
I got home dragging my feet to the greencomfyroom and saw a letter for myself. Opened it up and immediately my mood lighten up. All the fatigue and moodiness gone with the wind!
I received the cheque from NuffNang!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. At that moment, i knew that tomorrow (which is today) will be a better day because i can cab to work without feeling guilty. kakakkaka
I know many of you nuffnangers had already received your cheque a long long time ago. But im slow mah, im didnt know i have to go to the website to get it until i was so bored the other night while waiting for my Hong Kong serial to start at 5am so i surfed around the net and realised that ive earn enough to cash out. So happy leh! Extra income for my cab fares. Shiokkk
Speaking of which, i dont have to stay up till 5am anymore because the show ended. I dont really like the ending although i have to admit the show is really really nice! I told myself that i shall not stay up to catch the next serial on screen because everytime i sleep at 6am, i realised that i will toss and turn till 7am before i managed to get some rest. AND i'll eat supper every night which i have to stop because i am getting fat.
But but but...i think i got used to sleeping at 6am so i can no longer fall asleep anytime earlier than that anymore. That sucks.
Oops, too much digression here.
So, I uploaded a couple more pictures, resized it and not forgetting photoshop it but to my dismay, my photoshop programme disappeared! OMG that's like my biggest nightmare. I dont photoshop ALL my pictures but MOST of them and without photoshop, my life seems to be even more imperfect.
And worst of all, i forgot who last borrowed my photoshop cd which i burn a long time ago. Sighhhhh..so till i get to reinstall photoshop, i dont think there would be much pictures uploaded in here anymore. =((((
For now, here's just one last picture i took in Leoieee's car on Saturday (without photoshop and i look like shit)
Bye now, its time to flag a cab to work! I am sooooooooo late
sealed-with-a-kiss < 3:23:00 pm
___________________________________________
Sunday, December 2
> Clubbing 2 days in a row.. so unlike me.
St. James on Friday with my colleagues after work. Its my second time there and it still sucks pretty much. Had supper at Swensens thereafter.
Then came Saturday where the BBCs went to Zouk to celebrate Leo's 23rd birthday. I saw Fiona Xie and Wilbur Pan Wei Bo. OMG Wilbur Pan looks really cute in real but pretty short lah. If the guy at zouk was Lee Hom i will just freak out. If he's Luo Zhi Xiang, i will just faint!!!
Anyway, we didnt stay very long at Zouk because it was sardine packed and i really dont like clubbing. I drank very little last night. The last i drank was an illusion shot and then we loitered around Phuture and Zouk before heading to the smoking area where i suddenly black out!
My head was spinning damn badly and i started seeing stars. And very quickly after that, i cant see a thing anymore. It was total blackness and i start to perspire profusely. I wasnt even warm or anything because it was an outdoor area but i perspire so much all my sweat glands were wet ok! I perspire to the extent whereby i thought i just ended my 2.4km run or something. It was that bad.
Bape dragged me back to Phuture and throughout the journey all i saw was a pitch of darkness. Feels like blind and quite scary cos i dont know what's in front of me. Then i sat down for awhile and regain concious shortly after.
I swear i wasnt even drunk. I just dont know what happend all outta blue! So crazy.
Then we went for supper at Upper Changi Road. Eating zhi char at 4am. Mad or not? 6 dishes of food for 9 people. Such a heavy supper lor omg but i love it. HAHAHHA
I just lost the vibe to club since years ago. I love dancing but i hate to squeeze with the crowd, it just annoys me.
St. James on Friday with my colleagues after work. Its my second time there and it still sucks pretty much. Had supper at Swensens thereafter.
Then came Saturday where the BBCs went to Zouk to celebrate Leo's 23rd birthday. I saw Fiona Xie and Wilbur Pan Wei Bo. OMG Wilbur Pan looks really cute in real but pretty short lah. If the guy at zouk was Lee Hom i will just freak out. If he's Luo Zhi Xiang, i will just faint!!!
Anyway, we didnt stay very long at Zouk because it was sardine packed and i really dont like clubbing. I drank very little last night. The last i drank was an illusion shot and then we loitered around Phuture and Zouk before heading to the smoking area where i suddenly black out!
My head was spinning damn badly and i started seeing stars. And very quickly after that, i cant see a thing anymore. It was total blackness and i start to perspire profusely. I wasnt even warm or anything because it was an outdoor area but i perspire so much all my sweat glands were wet ok! I perspire to the extent whereby i thought i just ended my 2.4km run or something. It was that bad.
Bape dragged me back to Phuture and throughout the journey all i saw was a pitch of darkness. Feels like blind and quite scary cos i dont know what's in front of me. Then i sat down for awhile and regain concious shortly after.
I swear i wasnt even drunk. I just dont know what happend all outta blue! So crazy.
Then we went for supper at Upper Changi Road. Eating zhi char at 4am. Mad or not? 6 dishes of food for 9 people. Such a heavy supper lor omg but i love it. HAHAHHA
I just lost the vibe to club since years ago. I love dancing but i hate to squeeze with the crowd, it just annoys me.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 3:49:00 pm
___________________________________________
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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